No Coffee
by Pandyy
Summary: Everything is exactly the same except for one detail; she doesn't remember anything.
1. Chapter 1

She hated this.

Hated that he hated her and she had no clue as to why.

No clue as to what she had done to make him this way.

But he was ignoring her, and sending her 'go to hell' looks. He had even been flaunting around stupid blondes who were apparently trustworthy, loyal and all kinds of shit she didn't really care about.

It had started during the case with the bomb. The blank stares. The smiles that didn't reach his eyes. The showing up later than usual or sometimes just not at all. Worst of all; he stopped bringing coffee.

Coffee. To some it wasn't anything. Just a highly caffeinated liquid that people drank when they needed a pick-me-up.

But to them, oh to them it meant so much more. The way his hand would sometimes graze hers when he handed it to her or the way he looked into her eyes with so much meaning stirring behind his own, that she felt like she was on fire and they were the only two people left on the planet, those things told her that she meant the world to him and that as long as there was coffee they were ok.

But now there was no coffee.

There wasn't even a Castle not in her sight anyway. Hadn't been in the last few days. He had been gone and she had been wondering what the hell happened.

All she knew is she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to be treated like she was a dog while he ran around with blondes and only came to the precinct when it was convenient for him.

She would have to intervene soon. Figure out why he was acting this way. Why when they seemed as though they were getting closer and closer to something more everyday he's just now starting to pull back.

Like all of the sudden he found out some deep dark secret that made him despise her made him want nothing to do with her.

She was just grabbing her keys to stand and leave when the elevator doors open and in walks Castle, decked out in a leather jacket, tight blue-jeans (that made her want him even when he was acting like a jack-ass), and dark sunglasses like the ones he wore during the photo shoot that had taken place here in the precinct two years ago. Scruff covered his chin and upper lip, and coated his cheeks like he hadn't shaved in two days (which she honestly didn't mind 'cause she did love the bad-boy type look on him)

_NO,_ she thought _you can't think these things when you don't know what wrong with him yet_.

Then he was walking— or strutting like he was the best thing in this place. She thought it kinda looked like he had a stick shoved up his ass.

She turned back to her desk to turn off her computer and pull herself together. She mentally checked herself.

Face void of any emotion, check.

Voice neutral, check

Wall up, ch—yea.

No her wall hadn't been up for the better part of the year, yet with the way he was acting it was slowly coming back up brick after brick, slathering on the cement along with it. If her wall went back up she knew it wouldn't be coming back down. She knew, no one else would come along and worm their way in because if the one person she thought she could really, actually trust is gone. Then she'll be gone too.

"So Beckett," she cringed at his voice, bored and as would rather be anywhere else.

But she knew he would.

He'd rather be with Jacinda or one of the other blonde's he had picked up over the last few weeks anywhere but near her.

He still hadn't finished his sentence so she finally looked up he looked concerned and confused.

Well that makes two of them.

"What do you want Castle?" She asked on an exasperated sigh.

He opened his mouth to say something then closed it again and repeated the action two more times before finally saying "Are you ok?"

She gave him a sharp look. Eyes cut narrowly, face scrunched up.

What the hell she thought get it over with.

"No. No I'm not."

She said it closed her eyes and then stepped away from him. Walking to the elevator she knew he was following. Because he wanted answers just like her.

Once in the elevator he kept quiet hoping that she would tell him what's wrong and much to his luck she did.

She slammed her hand onto the emergency break and started pacing the short distance from the door to the back wall.

"Beckett." He said interrupting her line of thought.

Her head snapped up and she stalked towards him until he was pushed up against the back of the wall.

"What in the _HELL_ did I do to you?" She all but snarled in his face.

" I have been waiting and healing and then you come in with your blonde pilot shoot me a few dirty looks and drop out of my life for a few weeks. I thought we were working on things. I thought everything was going great. We were getting closer and everything was fine and then I don't know you and your man hormones decided to go off the deep end and cut me off without so much as a good bye. Now you're going to ask _me _if I'm ok. No. No I'm not ok. I haven't been ok since you decided to have a little pity party and not tell me what the hell is wrong."

She ended her rant a louder than it had started and then began pacing again. She didn't know how he was just standing there and ignoring her, but it was pissing her off even more.

Finally.

_Finally._

He spoke. "You want to know what's wrong? You want to know why I've acted like this? I tell you something as important as I did and you hide it from me? I can't believe how stupid I was I just.. I thought we were going places too. I thought everything was great and we were almost there. We were just about to cross the finish line, but then I find out you hid this from me. All this time? You never even acknowledged it or acted like you cared. No you just go around acting like nothing happened."

"God Castle," She looked at him with confusion all over her face ", I have no idea what you're talking about. What is so important that you keep looking at me like I'm the most traitorous person in the world? Please enlighten me, because I would really love to know."

He ground his teeth together. _HOW COULD SHE STILL PRETEND?_

"The day you were shot. You told me you didn't remember a thing. You didn't remember anything getting shot. Me tackling you. Me telling you I love you. You said you didn't remember—," He was cut off by her intake of breath and then looked up to see her eyes bigger than saucers staring at him like he was the plague.

She backed up into the wall and then her eyes became unfocused and it was as if she was in some far off place. Thinking. Or worse remembering.

But… if she really did remember then why did she look so shocked? He had heard her. In the interrogation room, when she had decided to tell the suspect instead of him.

So he knew she remembered. Unless…

When she spoke her eyes were still staring off into space but her words were sure and calm. "Rick." He heard her say so quietly, so, so quietly.

"I never… what made you think I remembered?" She finally looked at him. Tears were shining in her eyes and her cheeks were red.

"That day in the box with Bobby. You told him you remembered. You told him and I heard everything."

She closed her eyes and sunk down onto the floor.

The tears were now rolling down her face. He thought she had intentionally kept something this important from him. He thought.. she didn't love him back.

But how could he think that after everything? _Everything._

"Rick," she said his name again ", I was… I was lying to Bobby that day. I never really remembered.

She tore her gaze from the carpet of the elevator and looked back up at him. "Rick. I don't remember anything from that day. I wasn't lying to you when I said that. I really don't remember."

When their eyes met she noticed his were shining brightly and they were so blue. Such a crystal clear color. Beautiful. She wanted to crawl over to him and tell him she was sorry for the misunderstanding and that everything would be ok now.

But she didn't.

She couldn't move.

She was paralyzed in place by some unknown force and all she could do was watch as he finally allowed himself to sit across from her in the elevator.

AN: I'm going to leave that there for now. This will probably be like 2 or 3 shot. And yes I know I'm a little late the party, but this one is a little different than most of the others. I don't remember reading any where she doesn't really remember yet, but they may be out there and I missed them. But yep, so there you go. Reviews are awesome, (and I don't care what Slaughter says I will say awesome until the day I die) so let me know what you think. Sorry for any and all mistakes. Disclaimer.

-Jordan


	2. Chapter 2

Twenty minutes later they were still sitting, silently, across from each other.

All the while she was trying to find something to say to him but…

He had told her he love her, and she didn't even _remember_, and now after all this time, this is the way she finds out?

Because he's pissed?

Because he thought she remembered?

She finally gathered herself enough to speak. She needed to say this maybe it could help. Help fix the broken mess that their relationship was in.

"I have never wished for a single moment that I could remember getting shot," she started quietly ", I didn't want to remember the pain of the bullet searing through my body, never wanted to know what it felt like when you tackled me into the grass. I didn't want to know. I was happy that the amnesia took away the pain." She paused letting him think about what she had said.

"But now. Now after you told me that, that you said—that you said you—you loved me." She looked up to meet his eyes. "I wish I could remember. The pain be damned. I want to remember, so badly. But I can't Rick I can't remember and I really wish that I could. I want to remember for you and for me. For us. I want to… I just I can't, but help me. Help me make this better because I can't lose you. I can't Rick."

She heard him sigh and when she looked back up at him his eyes were full of longing. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to take her in his arms and never let go.

But he was scared she wouldn't want him to.

Maybe she had just said she didn't want to lose him, but did that mean she wanted him as a friend or as something more?

He honestly didn't know the answer.

So he continued to sit in silence. Waiting to figure out what move to make.

Waiting.

Always waiting.

After another long moment of silence Kate stood and made her way to the emergency button.

Pressing it in she turned back to him and spoke again.

" I'm sorry Rick, I know I hurt you by not remembering," she paused to take a breath and school herself to hold back the tears ",and I really wish I could change that but I can't and since you obviously can't get past that I think you should just go. We won't be able to do this if you can't forgive me. You and I both know that. So just go home, when you're ready to forgive me—to give me another chance. Just know that I'm waiting."

With that the doors to the elevator opened and she walked out and left him sitting on the floor.

Thirty minutes later Kate was curled up on her couch.

Desperately trying to hold herself together. She hadn't cried yet; she knew that once the tears started they wouldn't stop and she didn't have it in her to do anything other than fight the emotional tidal wave that was pushing against her.

She wished she could sleep.

Just to escape for a little bit.

But her mind was refusing to shut down. To give her any peace.

She would have to do this the hard way.

Standing she made her way to the liquor cabinet.

She knew this was wrong. She knew it wasn't right to drink just to forget.

But she wasn't going to stay sane if she didn't do something soon.

So she took the top off the Tequila and took a swig straight from the bottle. The alcohol burned all the way down her throat as she made her way back to the couch. With the bottle and no glass.

She didn't need one tonight she planned on drinking the whole thing.

He didn't know how he had gotten here. Standing outside of her door.

He didn't remember getting a taxi, or paying the driver, or even the elevator ride up to her door. He just knew he was now standing here and he couldn't bring himself to knock.

He checked his watch; it had been almost two hours since she had stormed away from him and out of the precinct and now..

She told him she would be waiting for him.

Waiting for him to come and do what exactly?

Forgive her? Let him into her life for good? Just stay friends?

He had no clue. _No clue._

Just then he heard a loud crash sound from inside her apartment and before he knew what he was doing he pulled the key he had stolen from her two years ago out of his pocket and shoved it into the slot and unlocked the door.

Looking around he didn't see anything at first but stepping into her kitchen he almost broke down with what he saw;

Kate unconscious on the floor, blood flowing freely down her arm, a puddle of what he was sure was strong alcohol surrounding her, and the broken glass of the bottle that had been holding it.

AN: I know I should have had this up here a lot sooner and that it's really short and that I left you with a cliff hanger(I'm a terrible updater if you hadn't already realized) I do apologize and promise the next chapter will be up a lot sooner and it will be longer. Thank you for reading. I apologize for any and all mistakes.

P.S.- HAPPY ZOMBIE CASTLE MONDAY! :D

-Jordan


	3. Chapter 3

By the time he had sat her down on the couch she had become lucid enough to open her eyes. He couldn't help but thank God that she was ok.

He had thought he had lost her, but no—no she's still here.

_Thank God._

Just as he laid her down her eye lids fluttered for a moment then they opened. Her eyes were groggy with sleep and pain from the cut on her arm.

When she registered him over her she looked confused ", Castle? What are you doing here?"

She uhh… she didn't seem drunk… maybe the pain had sobered her up? Maybe… maybe she hadn't been drunk after all?

"I uhh… I was coming to talk and then I was about to knock when I heard a crash I kinda used a key that I stole from you a few years ago.."

He trailed off as he examined her arm, seeing how deep the cut was, she would probably need stitches. A lot of stitches by the looks of it.

She didn't seem surprised by the fact he had stolen one of her spare keys… no she actually looked like she kind of expected as much from him.

Sweet, infuriating man, only looking out for her own good.

"Listen Kate, I know we need to talk. Believe me I do, but right now we need to get you to the hospital, this cut… it needs to be looked at."

At the word hospital her head snapped up ", no. No. _No. _No hospital. It's fine we can patch it up here."

He looked at her trying to see past the dull haze in her eyes. Get past it to see her emotions, but he couldn't. She was guarded and he didn't blame her.

She had opened up and he had left her hanging, but they could worry about that later because really her couch was now covered in the blood oozing out of the cut and the flow wasn't stopping any time soon.

"No Kate… this needs stitches it—you have to get it cleaned you were on the floor, you fell or you passed out I don't know but you have to go—"

She looked up at him a gleam in her eye "I didn't pass out Castle. It—no I wasn't drunk I couldn't bring myself to drink that much. I just…. Couldn't."

He sighed relieved and frustrated all at the same time… he was glad she hadn't subjected herself to that, but she still needed a doctor and she was already sitting up to make her way to the bathroom and there wasn't anything he could do to stop her.

Damn it Kate.

He gives in, knows she won't relent.

Because she hates hospitals, and he still is not sure why, but knows when she's done discussing something and no they haven't really discussed it, but that's because she won't talk about this when she already has her mind set.

So he follows her to the bathroom watches as she pulls out a first-aid kit and sets it on the counter.

He walks over to her as she opens it up and pushes her to sit down on top of the toilet lid so he can take care of her, because he needs to and wants and really how can he not after what he's done to her tonight?

"Look Rick I know you probably don't want to be here so you can just go I don't need you to take care of me." Ignoring her he pulled gauze and peroxide out of the kit and pulled her arm over where he can examine it better in the light of the bathroom.

It looks to be about three—four inches long and pretty wide though there's nothing he can do about that.

Stubborn woman.

She sighs when she gets no answer from him and shifts so that he can get to her arm at a better angle and it's not so uncomfortable for her.

When he's done cleaning it she moves to sit on the counter in front of him instead of on the toilet so he can reach better she tells herself, but she really knows it's just because she wants to be closer to him and she knows he sees right through it which is why she is surprised when he doesn't object and steps closer.

And now he's very, _very_ close to her and she swears she can feel his breath at her neck and the next thing she's knows goose bumps are exploding all over her exposed and unexposed skin, the next time she looks up she finds herself looking into his bright cobalt blue eyes and she knows—_she knows _– this is going somewhere they aren't ready to go but now he's leaning in and who is she to stop him?

Not when she's breathing harder by the second, or well really millisecond.

Then his lips are on her soft and passionate all at once.

How she doesn't know because the two do _not _mix but that's how she feels this is and she can't get enough because he won't kiss her harder and right now she needs as hard as he's got.

So taking matters into her own hands she scoots forward and drags him backwards to her and between her legs before he can even realize what's happening and then she's opening his mouth with her tongue and he's lost to do anything about it besides kiss her back with as much passion.

Passion and heat and gosh that's a _lot_ of tongue and he is definitely _not _complaining.

He pulls away several minutes later when he's about to faint from lack of air and her.

Her surrounding him and in him and with him, it's more than he ever hoped it to be.

She pecks his lips once again and he pulls away to ask how in the hell she fainted because even with all this happening he still hasn't figured that part out and he knows it's not because she's drunk… yeah she's definitely not drunk and the cut in her arm was painful but not painful enough to cause her to faint so how..? So while covering her arm with the bandage he asks.

"Soo… how exactly did you faint?" He gets out when he finally stops gasping for air and she gives him the incredulous look that says 'I just made out with you while I was sitting on a counter and you're really worried about something that happened twenty minutes ago?' but alas he wants—needs to know what caused her to faint and so she's nodding in understanding and explaining what happened.

"I was walking into the kitchen and I don't know maybe a piece of ice melted or I spilled some water but I slipped on it and hit my head on the floor hard enough to apparently knock me out, no headache though."

Then his eyes are growing wide with fear, because yeah he is a bestselling author with a wild imagination that gets the best of him sometimes and he can't help but think about all the worst case scenarios ; concussion, swelling in the brain, brain bleed. Which all could lead to memory loss or her requiring special needs and he doesn't know what he would do if something like that had happened and he really DOES NOT want to ever find out.

He's pulling her closer to him again and she's trying to pull his lips back to hers but he won't relent and she finally gives in and rests her head against his chest and lets him just hold her and let him bask in the relief that she's here and she is fine and that she's not going anywhere for the time being.

So he stands there holding her like that for the next minutes or hour or hours he's not sure but when he realizes he has to _do _something about the fact the she is _here _with him he pulls back to look at her face and when she's sees the desire there that he needs to _feel _that she really is here with him she can't deny him. She can't nor does she want to. So she hops down from the counter and pulls him along with her to her bed and the future and whatever lies beyond that.

She knows they need to talk. They wouldn't be able to have a real relationship if they didn't but for now this is all they need.

Her and him and this bed.

Because really as long as they're together they can do anything, and when the time comes they will do everything; moving in, engagement, marriage, kids, growing old together. They know it's coming and that's what gets them through this right now. The future; their future.

Together.

AN: FIRST FIC I HAVE FINISHED! EVER! I am very proud lol even though it's only three chapters long. I suck at updates though.. but no really I have to be in the mood to write and if I'm not then it's just… no.

I don't really feel the need to continue though if some of you do let me know and I'll consider it. Or maybe a sequel

And for those of you reading my other fics… no I haven't updated those in a while either but I'm hoping to continue those soon as well and even though summer is here and all, I am about to start my first job so I don't really know how that's going to blow over.

Any who until next time!

Thank you for reading! I apologize for any and all mistakes.

-Jordan


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